We were at home, quietly working on this little essay for our blog. It was all about how George Stephanopoulos and Charles Gibson turned last week's ABC presidential primary debate into a travesty by devoting the first fifty minutes to inconsequential minutia. How that demeaned the candidates as well as the audience. And, indeed, the entire democratic process.
You know what we mean, doc? Asking Barack and Hillary why they dress like they do. Like, "Where's the flag in your lapel, boy?" Or, "Hey, honey! Isn't that a bit too much cleavage?"
And more questions like these: "Who did you befriend three decades ago? The despicable Mark Penn? The former Weather Underground organizer Bill Ayres?"
Or, even, "How do you spend your free time, candidates? Listening to angry Sunday sermons? Hearing your spouse confess his infidelities?"
Y'see, doc, we thought Stephanopoulos and Gibson had reached a new low. ABC should be deeply ashamed. They were treating two candidates for the highest office in the land like some two-bit entertainers who didn't have a serious thought in their heads. It was as if they'd been brought into the ring at the Roman Coliseum for the ABC lions to eat, just for our entertainment.
Why, the very foundation of democracy in the digital age might be hanging in the balance, we wrote.
It was a pretty good piece, even if we do say so our self. We wrapped it up with a ringing series of rhetorical but penetrating questions. Questions like, "Is commercial TV determined to turn everyone in America into a bunch of dopes so they can sell us more stuff we don't need, like drugs that put our legs to sleep and vaginal spray deodorant?"
No! we wrote. Say it ain't so!
Presidential elections are a serious business. Lives are at stake. The nation's safety. The world's future. The media should treat all the candidates with the highest degree of respect and seriousness, not just the Republican all the reporters want to win. Etc., etc., etc.
At last we were done. We reached for the mouse, ready to click it and publish. But then this email alert flashed up on our screen. It was from someone known as WWE.
"News from the campaign trail," it said. "Watch the video now."
And that's when we were injured. By a slap to the forehead. The mouse was still in our hand.
Take a look, doc. You'll see. Just be sure you aren't holding anything hard in your hand.
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