While We Were Gone

We had a couple of minutes before leaving last week and found ourselves remembering Mark Twain's hilarious Notice to the Next Burglar. Mindful of news reports that local burglaries are on the increase, we amused ourselves by idly jotting down on a spare post-it note our own version:

To the Next Burglar:
You may as well leave and try another house. Our defense here is utter confusion. We can't even find the valuables amidst the clutter of vacating the premises for you. If you are determined to proceed, however, kindly keep the lights low as the power bill has become ruinous. And, please vacuum when you are done. The machine is in the broom closet.

We'd intended to trash the note before we left for the airport, but accidentally left it on the table. Upon our return, we discovered some intruder or another -- possibly the one who had volunteered to bring in the mail and do her best to search the neighborhood every morning for the newspaper -- had taken a Sharpie and scrawled on the note --

Stole the Hoover!