Democrats Playing Dress-Up

"It's as painful to witness as seeing a fat man dance Swan Lake."

You may be wondering where the Democrats have been hiding while the three or four so-called 'moderate' Republicans left in Congress were busy figuring out how to approve torture as a matter of American law and morality. Well, it seems they've been closeted with some Madison Avenue salesmen and pricey Beltway campaign consultants; the kind who consistently advise Democrats to dress up like Republicans so they can lose another election.

What has emerged from the closet this time is one of the most insipid campaign slogans in modern political history: "A new direction." Howard Dean mentions a "new direction" twice in today's Wall Street Journal, if you don't count the headline. On last night's News Hour with Jim Lehrer, Nancy Polosi used that exact phrase thirteen times.

Count 'em! Thirteen! She mindlessly repeated that vacuous phrase so many times in so many contexts that one half-expected if Lehrer had asked her where to find the men's room, she would have answered "New direction."

It's been said before, but it needs to be repeated: Democrats never are less convincing than when they try to imitate repulsively cynical Republican campaign tactics. It's as painful to witness as seeing a fat man dance Swan Lake.

Modern-day Republicans are good at coming up with meaningless rhetoric and misleading campaign slogans. Remember "No more nation building"? Republicans have elevated hypocrisy to a political art form. When Democrats indulge in it, they just come off looking like, well, hypocrites.

Modern-day Republicans follow the phony "Twelve Rules of Perception." They're terrific at pretending to be as tough as John Wayne in a war movie, even though most of their top office holders are chickenhawks -- as was John Wayne himself. Democrats -- even the authentic war heroes among them like George McGovern and John Kerry-- for some reason just can't bring themselves to speechify convincingly about the joys of waging war and nuking the Earth.

Republicans shamelessly claim to be doing "god's work" as they bankrupt the government treasury and rake in the bribes. Apparently, Democrats just can't pray loud enough in a public enough way to qualify for secular office.

All that Democrats can do is govern efficiently, avoid reckless foreign policies, preserve constitutional liberties, and make sure the nation lives within its means. In this day and age, apparently that's not enough.