Thursday, January 21, 2010

Anthropology Update on Pensacola

Innumerable studies have established that in many ways Pensacola is much more a cultural extension of Alabama than of Florida. As anthropologists are fond of saying, "The farther south you go in Florida, the more northerly it becomes."

Hence, extensive field investigations long ago revealed that the natives of the "Redneck Riviera" worship a strange, excessively sugary form of donut known as "Krispy Kreme" and a type of coffee best characterized as "watery." The higher, more civilized order of such viands are unknown to the indigenous peoples of Pensacola.

No longer. Today, a Dunkin' Donuts shop opens in Pensacola. It is located within a stone's throw of another cultural institution largely foreign to the experience of the primitive tribes in this area -- a bookstore.

Scientists are uncertain if this experiment to bring life-enhancing blessings of an advanced civilization to the unfortunates of Pensacola will be successful. An earlier missionary effort to convert the natives disappeared without a trace over a decade ago. Cannibalism has not been discounted.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Innerable studies have established that some transplants to the area have been forced to cut large doorways in their homes in order to be able to maneuver their big heads and egos into their house.

Anonymous said...

LOL!!

Anonymous said...

Then there are those that were already here with the big I'm With Stupid sign on their t-shirts!

ross said...

"It is located within a stone's throw of another cultural institution largely foreign to the experience of the primitive tribes in this area -- a bookstore."

Yeah, have you been there? They have their own selection of cakes and pastries.

btw, is your email working?

Anonymous said...

What an odd location to put a Dunkin' Donuts in. I don't travel that route very often but to me it seems odd. I am a huge fan of The Circle donuts on the west side of Pensacola. Great people, excellent donuts. I think I will continue to support their small local effort, thanks! Books A Million is cheaper than Barnes and Nobles, too. At least I have found that to be the case.