Un-News Assignment

You know it's a really slo-o-o-o-w weekend at the Pensacola News Journal when they dust off the hoary story line about banning alcohol on Pensacola Beach's sandy shoreline and slap it on the front page, along with a "file photo" after the jump that's so old it's in black and white. This is a beach that can't even enforce the ordinance against glass containers, much less regulate liquid contents.

Here's the reporter's assignment:

• Grab a quote from some reincarnation of Carrie Nation that no one has ever heard of before. Just about any Baptist will do.
  
• Read the quote back to beach bar owner June Gerra to get her salivating over the prospect of escalating profits once beach goers are prohibited from buying beer at cash-and-carry joints and hauling it down to the beach. June will play along by pretending she's only concerned about public safety.
  
• Call any county pol who's trolling for votes and hint at the ink he'll get if he climbs aboard the prohibition bandwagon.
• For story art, we need a little cheesecake on the beach or some shlub swilling a beer in the water. Better yet, why not both?

Next year, rinse and repeat.