All Hail Halliburton

"It's essentially a gated community for one."

-- Peter S. Wolf, Halliburton spokesman

Halliburton Co., ever interested in the public good, yesterday chose the "Lexis-Nexis Catastrophic Loss Conference" at the Ritz-Carlton on Amelia Island, Fla., to announce an advanced technology that will "keep corporate managers safe even when climate change makes life as we know it impossible." It's called SurvivaBalls.

Fred S. Wolf, a Halliburton representative, was the featured speaker yesterday on a panel presentation devoted to "Disaster Preparedness: How To Plan and React to a Catastrophic Event." As he explained in prepared remarks:

"The SurvivaBall is designed to protect the corporate manager no matter what Mother Nature throws his or her way. This technology is the only rational response to abrupt climate change."

In an accompanying media release, Halliburton explains:

"The devices -- looking like huge inflatable orbs -- will include sophisticated communications systems, nutrient gathering capacities, onboard medical facilities, and a daunting defense infrastructure to ensure that the corporate mission will not go unfulfilled even when most human life is rendered impossible by catastrophes or the consequent epidemics and armed conflicts.

"'It's essentially a gated community for one,'" said Wolf.

The full text of Brown's remarks is available here.

Will Halliburton's ingenuity really come to the rescue of corporations whose very profits, not to mention the lives of executives and managers, are threatened as the world heats up, glaciers melt, and ever-stronger hurricanes reduce American coastal cities to rubble?

Yes, men. Bet on it.