Snow Day Guide for Pensacola Beach

Virtually every travel guide for Pensacola Beach describes our beach sand with the metaphor, "as white as sugar." Instead, now they can say "as white as snow."

It looks like a Snow Day on Pensacola Beach. With the threat of maybe an inch, maybe less, already schools are closing, grocery stores are packed, social meetings are being canceled, business meetings are being moved to Miami, workers (those who aren't enslaved, anyway) are being sent home early, and Blockbuster's shelves are running bare.

At long last, we can have a Snow Day in Northwest Florida! So what if it all turns out to be a false alarm, like last summer's Hurricane Ida?

A Snow Day is a lot like a Tropical Storm Watch, only without the rising sense of terror. Since many Panhandle residents may not be familiar with what to do or how to act during a Snow Day, we provide this guide as a public service:

Evacuation Route

The proper evacuation route is from where you are right now directly into your bedroom.

Emergency Supplies

• Chocolate
  
• Popcorn
  
• A hot toddy (that's a drink)
• Mac and cheese, optional.
  
• Fluffy comforter
  
• Extra pillows

Personal Safety

• If you have kids around the house, send them out to have fun by making a snowman in the street. They'll probably be safe enough.
• Turn off all phones. You also should change your answering message to something like, "We're stuck in a snow drift right now and can't come to the phone. Leave your name and number and we'll get back to you just as soon as Spring arrives."
  
• Dress yourself warmly. Woolen PJs and warm slippers are recommended for singles. If you have a spouse or lover, your birthday suit will do.
  
• Be sure to be armed with a good book, a working television screen, or a video recorder loaded with a good movie. (Triple-X films are only for those wearing birthday suits.)
  
• Spread the comforter across the bed and plump up those extra pillows at the head of the bed.
  
• Grab the book or the remote in one hand. With the other, lift a corner of the comforter and slide joyfully under it. (For those wearing a birthday suit, just grab the first person you see who's also wearing a birthday suit.)
  
• Set your alarm clock for March 21.
• When the storm is over, do not file an insurance claim with Florida Property Insurance. If you've done it right, you had too much fun to qualify for coverage over a few shingles or those missing kids.