Motive for Mayhem

A headline on the front page of the "Local" section in today's Pensacola Newsletter reads --

Gunfire on Turkey Road
News Journal delivery men dodge bullets

We know this because the front page of the "Local" section and the Classified Ads are the only parts of the "home delivery" newspaper we could find after our own delivery 'boy' once again scattered it to the four winds.

The first paragraph of Thyrie Bland's story claims "Three newspaper delivery men had to dodge bullets Wednesday morning after they were mistaken for car burglars."

Frankly, we're skeptical about the claimed motive. However, since we couldn't find page "GUNFIRE 2B" where the news article continues, we're left to suppose that the reporter soundly debunked that claim later in the story.

We're just going on personal experience, here, but it seems to us much more likely that the shooters were long-time home subscribers of the Pensacola News Journal. (Among the last of us, apparently.)

They probably were trying to get their newspaper delivery 'boys' to hand over the whole newspaper in one piece. When the delivery boys obstinately insisted on throwing random sections of the newspaper into the wind -- the better to scatter its pages all over Northwest Florida -- the subscribers, at long last, lost their patience, pulled out their guns, and tried to shoot down the flying newspaper sections.

All of this probably is what Thyrie Bland reports in the continuation part of the article on page 2B, if you can find it.