Gifts from the Bush Era

As a parting gift, the Worst.President.In.History at yesterday's press conference gave English teachers a classic example they can use to illustrate the vague antecedent pronoun:

"I'm telling you there's an enemy that would like to attack America, Americans, again. There just is. That's the reality of the world. And I wish him all the very best."

He also gave miscreants of all ages, everywhere, an object lesson in how to avoid responsibility for one's own actions -- pretend you were just an innocent witness.

In his own way, the outgoing president acknowledged that the past five years have, by many measures, been one long pratfall. But he spoke as though he were an innocent bystander, watching the mishaps rather than having any culpability for them. To Bush, they were not mistakes -- just disappointments. "Abu Ghraib obviously was a huge disappointment during the presidency," he said. "Not having weapons of mass destruction was a significant disappointment -- I don't know if you want to call those mistakes or not, but, they were -- things didn't go according to plan, let's put it that way."

That's almost as good as "the dog ate my foreign policy."

Bush also offered America's parents of young soldiers something to remember him by. Asked if it wasn't a lonely feeling, at times, to know that as president he'd been sending America's children to their deaths in that "war of choice" in Iraq, Bush responded with all the sensitivity and introspection of an overgrown frat boy:

No, not for me. We had a -- people -- we -- I had a fabulous team around me of highly dedicated, smart, capable people, and we had fun. * * * Even in the darkest moments of Iraq, you know, there was -- and every day when I was reading the reports about soldiers losing their lives, no question there was a lot of emotion, but also there was times where we could be light-hearted and support each other.

This was supposed to be his last press conference. Think you're done with him? Think again.

Now, he's planning an evening television address to the nation Thursday night "to reflect on his time in office and the ways our country has changed these past eight years." Let's see if he claims we're better off now than we were eight years ago.

That Tee-Vee thingy won't be the end of Bush, either. He isn't talking about it, but he'll surely be leaving behind a blanket pardon for all those criminals he brought to Washington.

It's very doubntful that a president can pardon himself. So, here's an idea for something we could give him: A "Go Canadian" travel kit to help Bush avoid arrest for war crimes should he risk an overseas trip.