Undecided Voters

First you say you do
And then you don`t
And then you say you will
And then you won`t
You`re undecided now
So what are you gonna do?

-- "Undecided" (Charlie Shavers, comp.)

Speaking, as we just were, about putting party loyalty above all else, including common sense, what about those "undecideds" that are even at this late date popping up in the polls? According to today's Sunday New York Times, "4 percent, according to a New York Times/CBS News poll — are still wrestling with the 'Who are you voting for?' question."

Dozens of questions arise. Are these people really undecided? Or, are they just so addled that they're unable to remember, when asked, the name of the candidate they had intended to vote for? Are they of two minds -- or no mind at all? Have they taken their meds today?

We just can't understand how any conscious being in America truly can be undecided now, after nearly three years of non-stop campaigning by all of the candidates. Even super-low information voters have made up their minds by now. (And if they watch Fox News or listen to Limbaugh, it wouldn't have made any difference if McCain had picked Lassie the Collie for V-P.)

It's reassuring to know that someone else, someone like David Sedaris, is equally baffled. In the current issue of The New Yorker he confides:

I look at these people and can’t quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention?

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

I mean, really, what’s to be confused about?

There's more and it's pretty funny.