Monday, March 01, 2010

Romance Riters Retreat

What do you think? Can the opening sentence of this steamy novel we started a few minutes ago be saved by any of the speakers at the First Annual Writers Conference on Pensacola Beach?
"Galvez Panferio, pale turquoise eyes shining with pride as a speckle of spit glinted on his fulsome lips in the burnt-orange glow of the setting sun, gingerly stepped back to admire the sumptuous three-decker sand castle he'd spent the hot, humid afternoon carefully crafting out of the sugar white sands of Pensacola Beach when suddenly he tripped over a moist, tumid beach towel which that vile vixen, Hermosa Maldonado, had blithely tossed aside and tumbled with a dullish thud into the enveloping folds of Marbella LaPort's soft, scantily-clad ample lap, creating a moment, as he was to reflect long after that last hit of acid had worn off, that he and the accounting firm of Bulevar, Traviesa & Ariola, who handled his trust fund, would long regret; then again, if he hadn't sprained his big toe, he thought to himself with a knowing smirk as he gingerly licked a bead of sweat off the shimmering shoulder of the naked woman lolling beneath his own tumescent manhood, he never would have met the voluptuous Sabine De Luna in the waiting room of the Silken Sands Medical Center & T-Shirt Shop."


BLehman said...

I think I've met these people somewhere on the beach. Their names sound familiar.

Anonymous said...

The piece is too heavy with adjectives to be descript. Help it flow.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous, I am pretty sure this is a joke on romance novels, beach streets, T shirt shops and romance novel adjectives.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I know ;)
What I liked most about the piece were the insider puns that began in the title and trailed throughout. It's quite clever.